For those who have ever been abused in any way over a period of time lean into this because it may be helpful.
If your partner has ever been abused in any way over a period of time lean in because this is helpful to understand.
The journey to overcome abuse is an entangled web where what starts with a simple desire to not be abused and start a life that is free from abuse leads into a much deeper and nuanced road.
When you’re living with the abuse it creates a heightened frequency in the body, it’s a form of arousal… now it’s not sexual arousal, however, it’s that heightened arousal that feels the same in the body without the pleasure and orgasm.
After living with abuse for a while we become very good at knowing what’s coming… the impending doom.
The somatic knowing that shit is about to hit the fan.
We prepare ourselves for it,
Over time this becomes so familiar it's our normal operating system and we don’t even think twice about it.
The impending doom keeps us prepared and “safe”.
When we leave the abuse and create a new life we go one of two ways-
1. We end up in another or multiple abusive relationships.
2. We do anything and everything to NOT be in an abusive relationship.
- Those who continue to live with abuse continue to live with this impending doom and it keeps them safe, they are literally in survival mode.
- Those who do everything to stop the abuse will do some work, be it therapy, personal development and self-help.
They’ll meet a partner (who they don’t even realise at the time) and it’s someone who they feel safe with, who they can rely on and who dotes on them.
While this is brilliant, amazing and feels divine over time we do everything to create an external environment of calm.
On the inside, we still have this quiet impending doom… it’s hustle energy and can feel destructive like you get random urges to blow shit up and make impulsive decisions.
It’s unlikely you’ll even realise that it is the residue of abuse.
You will likely struggle with pleasure and arousal.
Because of this heightened frequency in the body, we equate it with arousal and it now feels unsafe.
So we reject pleasure and continue to live with this impending doom feeling.
It’s something that is not spoken about with abuse because life is mostly normal and you’re probably even happy for the most part and you have your shit together.
But this impending doom is our body's NATURAL NEED for arousal and the inner turmoil is us loving the aliveness it creates, yet somatically we are having a very different experience.
It is so nuanced, that I can’t help but be amazed by our body's natural ability to find a way to express and find equilibrium, even if it has to come out sideways.
Once you realise this you can begin to understand and meet yourself in a much more compassionate way.
… And it begins by rewriting our relationship with our pleasure.
Take a moment, let that land.
You may want to journal and reflect on your journey with this,
The hustle energy,
The feeling like it has to be hard,
The impending doom,
The random impulsive decisions,
All residue of abuse.
If you’re ready to write a new chapter it starts here.