Here’s the thing about Personal Development, Self- Help and Spirituality.
You become really good at deluding yourself.
We rank certain outcomes and feelings over others,
We project and reflect our way into a rabbit warren of never ending healing.
We “observe” the behaviour of other people, wrap it in beautiful language that is still shaming other people.
There is a lack of grounded, well rounded, all encompassing appreciation respect and honesty in this space that is incongruent to the words preached and thoughts shared.
We convince ourselves that “this” feels good and right and the perfect next step,
We convince ourselves that we let go and justify why it is so,
We convince ourselves that edited expression of truth wasn’t edited at all.
We feel it,
We can’t lie,
And every time we do we are sending a signal to our sub conscious and our nervous system that we don’t believe in ourselves enough to listen to rhythm and hum of our soul.
The only thing that we can really do in these moments is reflect…
Having a code of ethics in which I live by is incredible helpful,
I notice that these feelings of impostor syndrome only really happens with certain people where I feel like I am out of my depth and there is edge I need to explore, a part of myself that I need to claim and own.
I allow myself to be intimate with my edge, fear and feelings that feel shitty and talk to them like I would a small child, after all I know that it always leads me to a new evolved me.
Were they talking about me? … When those thoughts pop up I breathe and know that not everything is a reflection, projection and a healing that needs to occur. Other people’s opinions are ultimately just expressions of their own edge and not for our inquiry, but theirs! And if it IS about you, it’s still for them and not for you!!!
If it doesn’t feel edgy or doesn’t activate those thoughts of, “can I really do this?”… you’re not in your growth zone.
If your body is rigid, you’re not letting go.
When we let go we know it and it will move you to tears (maybe), full permission leaves no room for conviction because it’s never required or desired.
Coming back into integrity isn’t something that happens every now and again, it happens in every moment.
I’m not interested in being a cool kid,
I’m not interested in hanging out with the cool kids,
I’m interested in creating something that is real, inclusive of all people,
Non-hierarchical.
No pedestaling.
… And
when I feel myself hungering for those things, I know there is work to do and that’s OK.
It’s always OK, because every edge is a beautiful tipping point where we get to reveal and step into wholeness.
Ultimately we’re just finding our way back home to soul self in every single moment and that work is never done.