The impact and realism of Intimacy are very different when you have children compared to when you don’t.
It is an understanding that you can only realise when you have kids and at every stage and age of your kids it’s different again.
What we need and crave in our partners and our relationships are very different and who we are is very different, we are not the same people who we were when our relationship started.
Intimacy, communication and connecting with our partners are the first things to go when we have kids, the impact children have on relationships is or can be brutal. All the good intentions we had to ensure we’d nail our relationship like a boss even with kids goes out the door.
The love is still but the distance and lack of desire are undeniable.
The thought of intimacy feels so far away from what you truly need and it feels like a big ask right?
My partner and I have tried and failed many times to reach any sort of consistency and goals we set for our relationship.
But, we fail forward and it opens up a conversation about what we are craving and need from each other.
This is a good thing.
It is crazy how we forget that Love, intimacy and relating take work!
We have this notion that Love shouldn’t take work, but that is a diary tale and doom to fail every time.
So how about we fail forward together, we have put together ideas, inspiration and conversation topics and questions you can have with your partner.
Soul Gazing- sit face to face with your partner and stare into each other's eyes for 10 to 20 minutes. No communication, no distractions and no looking away. This is a beautiful process to enhance connection and how ability to communicate with each other without words and see their soul.
OM meditation- this is a process for female-bodied people, where your partner massages the clitoris without agenda for 15 minutes. This is a beautiful way to open up a woman’s ability to receive and a moment to surrender. It’s a great way to open the portal of pleasure to bring you closer together.
Our favourite questions-
What are you craving right now?
What are you needing from me?
How can I Love you in a way that makes you feel amazing right now?
Is there anything you are craving from me that will bring us closer together?
What are some of your fantasies?
4. Tell each other what you love about them.
Make love goals together and ways to connect, you will be imperfect with them but the intention is there and it will create a constant conversation whereby you both are still open and committed to your relationship.
5. Book nights away frequently- get the in-laws, family or friends to look after the kids so you can enjoy time away.
6. Have a date night or one night where no one is allowed to have anything on, now of course sometimes things pop up but set the intention to everyone, kids included that this is our nothing night and everyone will grow to love these nights, even if it’s just being together knowing you don’t have to drive someone somewhere or do anything.
7. What do you want to teach your kids about Love and relationships? What’s important to you both? And model that to them, they learn what we model to them, so we need to be and do that.
8. Don’t wait for a perfect time, make time because there is never an age, moment or time that doesn’t require something from us. Prioritise it.
9. Send pictures and messages of what you love or what you’re you’d like them to do to you or you to them. Just double-check check you’re sending it to the right person!
10. Commit to a kiss, a touch, an action or a moment every day where you show them they are loved. One action every day makes a huge difference to your relationship.
11… and this is probably the most fundamental one, commit to your intimacy with self, and make time to commit to your sensuality journey because this opens up a whole new level of intimacy and experience with our partners. It begins with self 100%.