The Struggle With Intimacy After Kids is REAL, how to spice up your relationship after kids.
They are the biggest cock blocks on the planet!
When can we find time for sex when you have kids... says every parent around the globe.
After kids a parent's libido can take a deep dive into non-existent and it can create a lot of tension and stress within a relationship, in our experience there is usually one person with a higher sex drive than the other and it can be really hard to navigate this, but don’t worry, we’ve got you!
You’ll have a much more pleasurable experience by allowing yourself to broaden the lens, otherwise before you know it your bedroom will be a dead one.
#1 Intimacy is more than sex.
It starts when you wake up and you can inject intimacy into each moment.
Soften the gaze in which you see the world, intimacy is everywhere in everything or at least it can be.
#2 You’re going to have to get creative.
The success of a relationship is built on a solid foundation where you consciously choose each other every day.
Sharing the load throughout the day brings couples closer together and both of you will naturally feel closer together as a result.
When you feel closer to each other, you will have more sex.
#3 It’s not a numbers game.
If the frequency goes down, it doesn’t matter. Better sex, more connected sex is way better than wham bam.
In saying that, make the most of any pockets of time you have.
#4 Don't wait until your horny.
We are in control of our sexuality, our pleasure and our intimacy, if we leave it up to the Horny Gods we are leaving sex off the table.
Make time for it, prioritise it, create a ritual around it and cultivate arousal in the body. When we "run warm" feeling horny is never far away.
#5 Your pleasure is YOUR Responsibility.
Your pleasure is yours and not the responsibility of your partner.
If you’re using sex as a “release” stop.
Self-pleasure, if you need a release and sex with your partner, is a time for intimacy and connection.
Agency is required here.
#6 Honest communication.
Talk about it.
What are you craving and needing from each other?
What’s alive?
What do you like?
What would you like to do and experience?
What are you fearing?
These conversations are everything and can bring you closer together and sometimes become foreplay.
#7 Make a pack.
This matters to both of you and more intimacy breeds more intimacy, pleasure is an energy you cultivate from within.
It starts with both of you as individuals so ditch the expectations.
#8 Ditch the Pressure
(and this includes "jokes")
If you’re feeling pressured to have sex, take it off the table for a bit and find other ways to be intimate with each other.
Feeling heard, seen and understood is the sexiest feeling that opens us up to union.
Massage those edges and communicate your needs and feelings.
It might be, "Take it slower"
"Can you connect to my mind and heart first?"
#9 Every phase is different!
Every age (you and your kids) brings a new challenge so it’s never done and it’s constantly changing so the earlier you start the easier it is.
It needs adjustment and assessment at every stage, address it regularly so you avoid getting to the point where you feel disconnected, uncomfortable and dire.
#10 If you think it's not important, think again.
Our relationship with intimacy and sex is a window into our lives, our ability to connect with ourselves and our partners opens us up to connect with others, we feel alive, reduces stress, it helps with mental health, we are creative, we improve self-confidence and it has so many benefits in every area of our lives.
If you're ready to begin your intimacy journey, it starts with you and it starts here.